A pirate walked into a bar...

[streekyd]

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while.

What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

"Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My
hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them sh__ in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird sh__."

"It was my first day with the hook."

[cazador]

OB WINDSHIELD REPAIR PERSON.
A w/s repairman consulted his doctor and was told he was overweight and far too heavy.The w/s repairman not happy with this verdict told the doctor he wanted a second opinion. OK , the doctor replied , you're UGLY too !!